Mind & Mood

Secret Clues Someone You Love is Dangerously Depressed

Especially in stressful times like these, when the world economy seems stagnant and the future is far from clear.

By The Weekly | December 22, 2016

Depression can show itself in many different ways: feeling sad or blank for days at a time, being dead tired and not taking joy from favourite pastimes are classic signs. But depression can also reveal itself in unusual ways. 

These are clues to watch for in the people you love – and in yourself. If you spot these symptoms, approach the subject gently, and talk to a professional therapist or doctor about getting a diagnosis and formulating solutions that work for you.

#1 Ragged nails and messy hair
Uncombed hair, smelly skin, ragged fingernails – it might look like a person is just being careless or disrespectful, but depression can also cause self-neglect. So if someone used to be clean and tidy but now they live in unhygienic surroundings or don’t eat properly it can be a clue that they’re clinically depressed.

#2 Sudden Anger
We often assume a depressed person is withdrawn and quiet. But sadness can sometimes surface as rage. Typically, it’s a rapid angry reaction that’s unreasonable and out of proportion. It’s happens when feelings of guilt, rejection and loss get so bottled up that they erupt as sudden anger – watch for it especially if stress as well as depression are involved.

#3 Working Way Too Much
Faced with intense dark feelings, some people try to avoid these emotions. They might sleep too much, take drugs, or drink too much, but some bury themselves in work. The problem with this symptom is that we often perceive working long hours as being ambitious or trying to provide for a family. So look for other clues: does this behaviour typically seem more like a compulsion? Perhaps he’s clearly exhausted yet he’s up every night trying to finish that report? Or she escapes into her email inbox the second you try to talk to her about her worries.

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#4 Forgetting Ordinary Tasks
Depression can make it very hard to concentrate – depressed people tend to forget all kinds of weird things, from leaving their keys in the fridge to leaving the milk out in the hall again. Or they may often forget appointments or constantly be late. Forgetting things is a tricky depression symptom to spot because stress can also make people forgetful – it’s like the brain is just too “full” with worry to remember much. So look for other clues as well, like….

#5 Not being able to make even small decisions
Depression can go hand-in-hand with hopelessness. People get the idea that no matter what they do, it will all go wrong. Victims of depression get wrapped up in thoughts of the bad things to come, that they become unable to make even a tiny decision. Shall I get out of bed? What to have for breakfast? What shall I wear?… it’s all too much. They become apathetic and almost paralysed by indecision. You can go out to work and come back hours later… and they’re still in bed.

#6 Too Much Partying
Dancing on the tables can just be high spirits, but it can also be a form of distraction. If you don’t want to face your dark feelings or you’re frightened of feeling “numb”, it’s tempting to distract yourself by drinking too much or burying yourself in frantic activity. But instead of going out feeling like fun, it feels like desperation, and there’s an undercurrent of hopelessness.

Text by Ellen Whyte. Therapist Ellen Whyte lives in Malaysia. As well as face-to-face therapy, she counsels clients via email, Skype and Facetime. Occasionally she offers a free online public access agony aunt service over her blog.

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